Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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