Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
