For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
