I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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