I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
