he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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