i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My ATM looks so different sober.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dick very happy bro
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize