I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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