I want to walk on stilts...naked
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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