Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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