He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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