just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
