Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
People in love make me want to vomit
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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