She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
my liver is dry heaving
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
