I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
