i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
