Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize