just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
