Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
