i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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