I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
