So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
