I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
