FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
