I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I smell like Dick and happiness
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
