I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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