She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
