after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
