I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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