and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
