ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
