if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
