A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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