i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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