Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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