Midget sex pt 2 tonight
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
