the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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