I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize