What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
