Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
