oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
