Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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