just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
