I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
