Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
