Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
