shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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