I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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