my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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