I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
