He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
