can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
