So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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