all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
