girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
