just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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