Got a toothbrush?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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