she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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