just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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