ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk is not a location!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
