Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This toilet bowl is my home.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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