who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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