Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
