Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
