oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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