I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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