I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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