After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
