im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
