can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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