I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
