Got a toothbrush?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
