he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
