you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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