I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
this just has baby written all over it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Green mimosas i think yes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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