is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
