I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Randomize
