When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
