imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
