Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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