Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
