So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
