So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
