My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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