I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
