OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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