why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
