I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
