My underwear smells like fireworks.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
