Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
