She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
