Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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