okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
