quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i drank out of a bidet.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
