I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
