He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
