I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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