My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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