Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
