the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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