I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
