dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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