I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
