Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
