$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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