just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
