I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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