We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
