everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
