I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My bed smells like the plague
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
