i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
