If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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