Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
